When I came to RVA, I had no belief and no confidence in myself. Everything I did came with thoughts that said I wasn’t good enough, I’m doing it wrong, I’m not worthy and I can’t do it. I was stuck in a blame- guilt- pain cycle and couldn’t find my way out.
I was trapped inside myself, in my trauma and fears. The walls I put up for protection had become my prison. I was scared of interaction with people, of rejection, of feeling weired and disconnected from reality.
By simply being, the horses caused me to meet myself, every single day was a reflection, in the truest way, sometimes painfully true. They made me feel again, they taught me to learn from my emotion, there is no bad emotion, just something to learn, to grow. They taught me to accept myself, with my pain and weaknesses. They have showed me that my pain doesn’t make me weak but stronger. They asked for me, not for some perfect flawless person, but simply for me, present in this moment.
Letting go of dissociation
They helped me to be, to let go of the dissociation I was used to hide under and to start expressing myself and enjoy life, enjoy the simple moment. I started believing in myself, that I have something to give, that I am full of color and not just grey.
By simply being with them, the daily simple work, walking with them, playing, sharing time and space, by building the relationship and the trust, they taught me that I can trust myself, that I can do, I can go out of my comfort zone and succeed. And I can make mistakes too, and that’s ok, I can accept failure and learn.
By accepting and loving unconditionally they showed me I am worthy of happiness and love just the way I am. They taught me that true love needs boundaries, and being a leader is to know when to let go, when to take the lead and when to follow. I learned to release, to let go, let come what may, to flow with life. I learned that I don’t have to achieve anything, just to have fun, not to push or resist, doing what feels good. My self worth isn’t dependent on success or failure but on the love and happiness I give myself in every moment.
The herd led me back to my true self and opened my heart.
They have truly healed and opened my heart, led me back to myself.
My heart is now open and full of love and compassion to mother earth, to all of nature and people and everything that is. I will forever be humbled and grateful to them for being my family, my best friends, my teachers and my healers.
I miss them so much already.